Time Together

Well this deployment Shayne took 30 days off before he leaves. Now this is a blessing and a curse. I know, I know sounds just plain bitchy, but I can tell you that as much as I cry when he's gone, I wanna cry he's up my butt and messing up my schedules being home in the bed, or the recliner, or well just under foot.

I know that in a few weeks, I'll be a blubbering idiot walking around lost without him, but today, I'm ok with a break. I find myself frustrated once again with the "hurry up and wait" thing that goes on with the military, and you'd think I'd be getting used to it, but right now I just want this damn thing to start and get done.

We are hoping to see each other this summer for a few days, but I have learned to NOT count on anything. I have several missions this time, and I am hoping to see some POSITIVE changes. My fear is that this time we live in our own house, and any major problems we might have (God Forbid) will all the sudden have to be my problem...not just a realtor's. Oh well I have since figured out that if it's not one thing it's another, so guess its life.

I have found so much support with old friends I have found on Facebook. Pretty cool, I love my family, and they are an amazing support, but some days its tough to keep saying the same thing over and over, and I'm sure they get sick of hearing it. I mean 9 months is a long time to listen to someone bitching, whining, crying and complaining ya know. Now I have an way to talk to other people who know and love me, and help keep my family a bit saner LOL.

So this is the downhill trek to his departure, and we are surviving. I will check in more often after he's gone...but you all know that already LOL.

Together

This time before Shayne deploys we are gonna get to spend some time together w/o him having to go to work. I am excited, and nervous at the same time. I find us TALKING more...OMG that would be a crime LOL...NOT but we have time to feel each other out, and sometimes that makes things a bit scary. We all know what is coming this time, although I am sure with NEW twists.

So last night we sat up talking, having a couple bottles of wine, and well you know *wink wink* till 4 am. I don't know the last time we stayed up together till 4 am...holy cow I did pay for it today. I just felt so close to him when we were dancing in the middle of our living room at 11pm...no kids, no TV, just us and or favorite songs. I so love my husband, and I know we will come out the other side of this deployment "different...stronger" hopefully "better" people. Separations for any reason are hard, but having done it once I think I am more prepared this time.

I am going to do this one POSITIVE, and you all are gonna be along for the ride. Your job when you read this is to REMIND me there will be an END in time and that I CAN do this. Thank you all my friends for being my friends

Guess What....

Well first let me say that there is something about a military wife that understands everything you are going thru when your husband is deployed. The last time Shayne left, I had great friends next door and we got together every week and they along with my Cafemom friends got me thru that deployment.

Well this time I don't have hardly any friends here yet, but I did meet a great military wife whose husband is also an officer in the Navy and get this, he is deploying a few weeks before Shayne. So together we are going to get each other thru these next long months.

I know I can do this, I mean I already have, but I am still scared. I am going into this in a better, more positive frame of mind than I did the first time. I want to accomplish something this time, I want to see changes in me that I never take the time to do. Now I'll have time to focus on me...and that's what I am going to do.

I have a couple other blogs that I blog on and will continue too throughout this adventure, so check in often and see if I am doing it this time.

But with another military wife beside me I think I'm ready.

Here we go again....

Well the news came down last night that Shayne is going to deploy again. I know that this should be easier to deal with this time. But its not. I am in a new town, new state, new house, and not a ton of friends here, and pretty soon all of them in school and activities.

Since Shayne got home a lot has changed in our lives. We own our first home, and we love it...but there is so much still to do. The fence that needed replaced this spring is gonna have to be done ASAP since he's leaving in month...but its ok, we can do it. Our youngest son was dx with Asperger syndrome, and its forced us to all function together in different ways.

Our lives seem so right at the moment, and as soon as I walked in last night and he was home already and I did what all wives do "why are you home early" and he said "do you wanna drink" I just knew my heart fell and I said "damn it are you getting deployed again?" and the answer was yes.

I, well we can do this I know we have done it already. But this time its 3 months longer, he'll miss both the boys playing football, and wrestling...both are things that they all do together. I can look at this positively and say...well at least he'll be home our son's senior year...but today that doesn't make it feel any better.

So "here we go again....." is my life today. Welcome back to this blog gang...it'll be busy.

Springtime yet?

I am loving this weather...sorry all my SNOWED in friends to my North...but today I realized why I wanted to move to the South.

See photo below it explains it all.....

Today it was almost 70 degrees and sunny. We grilled out and had a small picnic. Its odd doing this stuff without Shayne, but we've learned that its just the way it is.

I know that its only about 2.5 weeks and we'll all we together but it seems like FOREVER still. I mean when is it gonna seem like this crap is finally over?

I have learned to enjoy my kids more than ever. They make me nuts and I can't wait for daddy to come home and deal with some of the stuff, but I have had so much fun just hanging out with them many of the days that Shayne's been gone.

I can hear in Shaynes voice on the phone that he's doing so much better, he's acutally beginning his check out procedures.....funny how when I want to pack a month before we go on vacation he looks at me nuts but now he's getting a taste of the resposibilites of the "check list to leave" LOL. Funny how its only a small taste...in a couple months I'll be doing it for 6 of us again. But I can't wait.

Anyway, we are holding our own, just very busy. Spring and the end of a deployment tend to do that to ya I guess. Hope this finds you well.

Its been awhile

I have been completely unfocused, and not wanting to write at all. Many things have happened since the Super Bowl. I got more depressed the closer we got the the 30 day mark which symbolically was the 14th of February...Well Happy Valentines day huh? I thought the longer this went on, the easier it would get. Not easier in the sense that I would be happy and smiling, and well NORMAL, but easier....IT DIDN'T. I found that Shayne and I were both more and more depressed with the entire situation. The sad thing for me is that he gets over it so much quicker than I do...I mean I dwell, and continue the downward spiral, he moves on. Maybe that's what men do I don't know.

I do know that today we SHOULD BE 28 days from the end of this deployment. Official papers will be available on Monday when he goes and gets them...HOPEFULLY. Funny how they send him an email to tell him he's leaving early, but won't email the letter to say you get to go home. Who knows, I have long since stopped trying to figure the military and what they are doing LOL.

So I have a MISSION...Oh my gosh ANOTHER one LOL. But I do really, I am gonna get back on SCHEDULE today if it kills me. I want my house cleaned before the little ones lay down for naps today...And they are LAYING DOWN LOL.

My dear KD is working hard on potty training, she is so excited everyday she talks to daddy to tell him she went to the potty and she's wearing Dora underwear LOL. Seth just wants dad to drive home LOL. He did tell me he couldn't fly home because he doesn't have wings. Little does he know Shayne is my Angel and he does have wings. We also celebrated the 5 months down mark with our traditional monthly cake, and my husband bought me and AMAZING Valentines Day gift...a Queen for a day package at a local Spa. I've driven by it, and its beautiful. I however added money too it and made it a couples package for US when he comes home. I'm pretty excited.

I love my life, but I will love it a LOT more in 28 days. Thanks for always reading, and commenting gang, its nice to read.

Its over....

...football season that is, and GO COLTS. It was a hard day to sit here and watch that game w/o Shayne, but we survived. He called during 3rd quarter, and it was nice to hear his voice.

I don't know how to get through some of these days, I mean he's been gone FOREVER now, its supposed to get easier but a friend of mine said "there's light at the end of the tunnel" which is true, but I can't reach the light. I feel like I'm running through fog, and I just can't breathe right.

I used to just pray for him to be safe, and to make it through to the end. Now I am back to begging God to make this go quicker....I NEED this to be over. I NEED him home to fix stuff, and hold me, and talk to me, and bitch about the bills, and hold me, oh yeah I said that LOL guess I miss that a lot tonight.

I hope that when this is over we find US again, and we don't find we are LOST. I don't want to be another casualty of this awful war. I want to just get back to some semblance of normal, and I want to smile again and feel it like I used too.