Goals

OMG I feel so flippen lost. I mean I have goals…I had big aspirations when Shayne left but lets see how many if not all of them have fallen by the wayside:

1. NOT to be depressed….FAILED….on mediation
2. To diet everyday and lose tons….UM nope only 22 lbs down
3. To exercise everyday (since we pay Curves)…UM nope maybe 3 times a week
4. To NOT spend extra money…shit that so was a STUPID one, I mean how many women DON’T shop
5. To NOT be angry…to grow from this…now I have grown, but I am still angry a good portion of the time.

So I didn’t fail completely, but I haven’t done SWIMMINGLY either. So do I pack it in…..NOPE I am gonna accomplish one if NOT all of these darn things. Well I am NOT depressed now…LOL but thank goodness for HAPPY PILLS. I am on a SUPER DIET till I see him so maybe I’ll lose a few more LOL. Exercise well I had good intentions last week I bought a Pilates tape to do here…um its still in the damn wrapper LOL….so maybe that one sucks but we’ll see. I am trying to be grateful and not ANGRY for my kids sake and for Shayne’s I mean he can’t fix this so guess I need to move THROUGH these feelings and not sit here and dwell on them.

I just want him home. But I guess as he says only time will fix this. So for now I will watch that damn clock and wait…for him, his smile, and any answer I can find.