Today.....

....is Shayne's birthday, and I have sent two presents out to his brother (who lives near the base he's at for the next week) to give to him so he knows we are thinking of him. Now my SIL, Terri, OMGosh do I love her, she's amazing, is going to get him a cake too. For everything they are doing for him this week, I am so very grateful...but I am sad too....I wanna be able to do stuff for him, and I want to be able to kiss him when he turns 39 and starts that final voyage to the big 40...yea, yea I know it's not ancient...but remember when it was oh those years ago LOL.

I think that this will be the first birthday of his I will have missed in the 17 years we have known each other. Honey, I am so sorry I can't be there to kiss you and bust on you about being MY age (at least for 6 months LOL)...but I PROMISE I'll have a couple drinks here in your honor, and maybe even a cake...the Wii Fit will be unhappy, but who cares LOL.

I so love you Shayne and I am so PROUD of you. Happy Birthday honey.

Monday, Monday.....

I can't believe its MONDAY again, I mean we are over one week into this deployment, and I am NOT crying every day. Some moments I feel myself catching my breath and think "oh no not yet...its too soon" but then I think its ok, to occasionally feel lost, and alone, and sad...but OMG the difference KNOWING...really KNOWING how much you are loved helps.



I got Wii fit and have been doing it and I am down 3.10 lbs...I am so excited that I am making those changes I can hardly wait to see the person I can become while he's gone this time.


I have my moments...like I was supposed to go to the commissary to grocery shop, but I just couldn't do it this pay...I will next one. I did have two dinners out that I PROMISED myself we weren't gonna do, but you know what they say about the "best laid plans" LOL.

I have found that week-ends for me are the hardest...and you'd think with the kids home it would all be ok, but see that's the usual time we're home together, we drink, we talk, we have Friday "date night" and we dance in our living room together. So I hate the week-ends.

I told the kids we were gonna save for a pool this year...not a great one, just one that they can all get in, so that they GET OUT of the HOUSE once in awhile LOL. I am hoping maybe next month I can swing that outta the bill money but we'll see. I want to see my husband, and talk to him...and talking will happen before the seeing of him, but I so miss him.

I am holding on, and I am better than last time, but there is truly no way around a deployment sucking. I mean the good days are crappy, the bad days are like the 7th circle of Hell, but w/o that person you love, your soul mate beside you, its tough. Now that being said I am one HELL of a strong woman, and I'll be damned if this deployment beats me/us....we're gonna come out the other side stronger than we were, and I know that...all I have to do is get through 7 more months of this...and ya know what...I can do it.

One week

Well gang we are officially ONE week into this deployment...feels like LONGER already. I have been more POSITIVE and in CONTROL this time, but some days I feel like I'm spinning downward, so I have to grab on and take a deep breath. I LOVE being a military wife, and I WORSHIP the ground my husband walks on, but man some days I am so pissed he is gone. I want him here, doing whatever it is that he does LOL.

Ok got it out of my system and I'm ready to get moving on the day...see MOODY. Last night was the last official night we'd for sure get to talk for a bit, and although I knew it was coming, it still broke my heart. I do know he LOVES me and I do know he MISSES me, but telling myself that some days is really hard to do.

He got to meet people this time and build relationships before he gets down there, and that will help him so much. He did say he also worked it out with one of his buddies so he isn't working the midnight shift for the whole 7 months, he's gonna work daylight until his friend needs a break. That alone will help him more than the last time....life will be on a NORMAL schedule for awhile at least.

I have had my moments, but they are few and far between compared to the last time. I do feel more in control of myself and my feelings than the last time...but then I remind myself its only been a week LOL and I take another deep breath and say "its all gonna be ok...and I think I can, I think I can." Ya think as a military wife we ever say "I KNOW I can...I KNOW I can" or do we just ROLL with it no matter what? Man we are a tough group of "old broods aren't we LOL" Thanks for reading my dear friends.

2nd time is easier

....so far. Shayne is gone again and this time although I miss him so much, saying NO we aren't spending any more money this pay, and what are we cooking are great things I didn't say the last time.

A friend of mine said that the 2nd time is easier because the worries we had the first time, aren't the ones we have this time. This time we KNOW they love us, and we know that they miss us. I feel that inner peace she is talking about, and for that Peggie my dear friend THANK YOU...once again you have me centered and ready to take on the world.

I PROMISED myself I was gonna try new things, and be a BETTER person than I was the last time. So today I did take every extra penny in my change jar, car, purse, and then added like $60 to it and got Wii Fit. I am going to be skinny the OLD fashioned way before hubby comes home. Ya know I say OLD fashioned but what I mean is that lapband I was gonna get done, I am not doing it while he's deployed. And its not that I don't agree with it, its just that 1. I don't wanna have an elective surgery with him deployed...can you imagine the issues of OMG I died during surgery. And 2. I just want/NEED to prove to myself I can do this. I am GOING to do this. I have this MAIN goal, and lets be honest any loss will be attaining this goal, so I figure I can't fail right?

I have to tell you, Shayne isn't the verbal "I love you honey" type of guy, but you saw his Good-bye to me, and his big PDA...well last night he said "I love you." Now most of you are saying "yea so what he should." Well that's true but we have this thing where he doesn't say it all the time because if he did, I wouldn't remember when he did say it. Now that may seem stupid, but I KNOW he loves me and I have always KNOWN...but after 17 years I can tell every single time he has said those three magical words to me...and I know lots of women out there can't. So before anyone says "yeah so what he should" take a second and think...really think when was the last time your DH said "I love you" and it wasn't in response to you saying before bed or when you hang up the phone? Bet those words mean more now don't they?

Happy Wednesday gang.

The count down begins

Ya know 212 days is nothing in the over all scheme of life, but boy it sure sounds long at the moment. He's at the airport and will be getting on the plain in 30 minutes. We're back home, and its quiet. Dropping him off this time was so different than the last time....the kids are older, it was later in the day so they were awake. I cried, they hugged him, he teared up (had to put on those sun glasses LOL) and as he kissed me good-bye on the lips...in public (not something we ever do...kinda prudish like that LOL) he handed me a coin....it was the Navy Spouse coin. I was floored...I know he'll miss me, and I know he loves me but to take time to think about something that kind, just melted my heart.

I am going to be more POSITIVE this time, and I am going to work on GOALS...although canasta and booze the last time ROCKED...I think I am going to make changes, and improvements in me that I've been putting off for a lot of years. So get ready gang I'll keep you updated.