My kids and my strength

Ya know when life seems at its worst and you don't know how to NOT feel bad or be upset I figured out how to MOVE beyond that feeling. Wanna know? Look in the eyes of your children. The are the most INCREDIBLE place to look.

They are beautiful and clear, and full of life. And when I look at my kids before they drop off to sleep I know they are what keeps me going while Shayne is away. I can’t imagine one day of my life with out them. Don’t get me wrong some days I don’t even like them but OMG do I love them.

I found myself tearing up the other night thinking I am a really crappy mom. I mean I have a short temper (not something I’m proud of) and I have a quick tongue. Sometimes I forget to stop before I yell at them. And then I back pedal, which as moms we know isn’t good, it defeats the original purpose of discipline now doesn’t it? I know I can do better with them. I mean they are EXCELLENT kids (loud, and occasionally lazy but EXCEPTIONAL kids). They work so hard at everything, and help more than you can even imagine. Except for driving and bills they do the same stuff around here that I do. They all change diapers, and pick up and take out the trash and bath kids, and even fold laundry and put it away. Heck how can you ask for more than that in any kid.

I want them to be happy, and never hurt. But I know that isn’t possible ALL the time. Like now for instance, while Shayne is gone. Every night I hear Mackenzie say a quick, quiet prayer for Daddy while he’s away to keep him safe, and please don’t let the bad guys hurt him. My son, Seth says Daddy’s not at work, he’s getting me dinosaurs, cause he loves me, and I miss him. Then my daughter, oh she’s the tip of tears some days for me. Every night when I get in bed (Seth and KD are always in my bed LOL They’ve taken over Shayne’s side…just keeping it warm for ya dad), anyway, every night KD kisses daddy’s picture and says I love you to the moon and back daddy. And I smile with a few tears welling up, and then she holds the picture till she’s almost asleep. Ya know the best is that its isn’t the greatest picture of Shayne, we have a lot better but its her favorite (the one form the Naval yard in Washington DC Shayne…she thinks your driving a boat or a plane). My oldest, Osten, well he is like his dad, and quiet and reserved, I’m never quite sure what he’s thinking until football game night, he struggles a lot those nights, as until daddy deployed he may have missed maybe 3 games in 7 years of football for this kid. He is growing up so fast I don’t know what to do with him. Actually they all are but that’s a topic for another day too.

So I guess that what I need to do is focus on the good things in my life. I mean I know my husband is coming home soon (spring is only like 170 days away ), and I want him to be proud of the person I’ve grown into. And I want my kids to remember the FUN they had with mom while dad was away, and how I picked up the pieces and made it all OK. So this is the TURNING point all you women told me about. I am ready to face this hopefully with a few less tears, and a lot more courage than I think I have. I know that my strength comes form those 4 sets of BEAUTIFUL eyes of my children. And tomorrow we’re gonna go to the park and have some laughs.