The end draws near

or so we hope. Shayne should be released from his TOUR of DUTY on March 17th, and I am so excited. But I am now onto a whole new set of worries (well not new but never the less).

What if the loneliness or independance I have acquired doesn't go away...I don't mean go away completely, but I mean what if we don't get back to US. I miss us so much. I want our life back.

Today the weather was beautiful. Sun, clear sky, and it was 65 degrees, I started up Freida and she ran amazingly. I can't wait to see her leaving the driveway again with my handsome husband in her. I can tell you the closer it gets to spring and him coming home the more scared (thats so NOT proper English LOL) I get.

I want so badly for him to be proud of me, and what if he isn't? I mean what if he is pissed about the credit card. I mean it is only money. I was wrong to spend as much as I did, but can't change that now. I guess what I should worry about is if I am PROUD of myself. And today, as I watched my handsome son play his trombone in County Honors Band, I was amazed that I have done everything that I have in the past 4 months. I know I am stronger, and braver, but I am so lonely. I love him more now than I ever though possible. I guess that if thats all I get out of this deployment than I should be greatful. I know he's changed, and hopefully it is truly all for the good.

I know he loves us more than he knew he did, and I know I am his BEST FRIEND. But is this enough? Guess we'll see. I know that I have missed him so much, and my life is empty w/o him. Not that my kids are amazing, they are. But I don't want to be w/o Shayne. I thought as the end drew nearer, that the fears would turn into excitement, but he's still so far away from me right now, that I can't seem to get over the distance yet. 48 more days...I think thats all. I can do this. Hope this finds you all well, I know its a bit disjointed, but I am feeling that way today sorry gang.