Not the easiest words to say, especially and mean them. But I owe my darling, brave, hero of a husband an apology. I have been so caught up in my OWN depression, misery, and sheer stupidity to actually truly put his situation first. For example, I had the sheer audacity to be pissy because he was gonna go in with a few guys and rent a house on the other side of the base (for all of $40 bucks total LOL) because they wanted a break, and someplace clean to hang out. So I did what all really GREAT wives do, I lectured, and was what...oh yeah pissy.
Tonight he called, and he sounded tired, and distant...and a bit pissy in his own right. Their house fell through, so the guys were bumming around their pig sty. I can tell you that I count the hours till he calls every time, but tonight I felt like an obligation. Not a good one either. I feel bad I ride him so hard, but its truly because I want him to be even better than he knows he can be. He is an amazing man, and maybe he's a dying breed...ya know honorable, kind, honest, and truly brave. I don't know. But I do know tomorrow when he goes to work, I am going to apologize to him for being a bitch.
I am also going to work harder to be a better wife and mother, because right now as
I look back at the last 4 months, and how much I've grown and changed, I also see the BAD things I haven't changed, or even tried to change. So as of this very second, I am on the road to recovery. Knowing is half the battle. I'm sure, the next step is to apologize and move forward. He is my best friend, and recently I can tell you I don't think I have put him first in that category. So honey if you are reading this, I am so sorry. I know it sucks there, and I know every moment you would rather be here with us. So I will TRY harder to be more understanding, as hard as it is there, I want you to know you are appreciated and loved more than anything in the entire world. Be safe my hero.
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