I can do this

I am woman hear me roar LOL. Well maybe not roar, but I can do this. I talked to my dearest love last night and he sounded excellent....even though he was at work. I have been sending him specific links to my blog, so he can CONNECT in a small way to my daily feelings. He was actually heading to the gym this AM for a work out. I know he's holding his own when he is working out.

I have been thinking A LOT recently and just today came to some CALMING moment. If you belive in God I'd say it was my SIGN. My heart still hurts but as the days get closer to the end, I find it the tightness isn't so much a broken heart but the anticipation of seeing Shayne again here in OUR house. I know that although I haven't said much about praying and talking to God through out this deployment, but I can tell you he's heard it all from me. I can tell you I actually had balls enough to beg him in the beginning, and promise him ANYTHING if he'd send him home. I have sense figured out that this was another test in my life. I'm not sure what the test is, I mean it could be a ton of different things:

Can I learn to be more appreciative of my life and the people in it?

Can I NOT put the kids up for adoption LOL if left alone for an extended period (they are all still here, but report cards come out next week LOL...so we'll see)

Can I pay the bills and NOT create new ones (bills are paid but we do have a new one....ooops)

Can I do this?

I think that I have learned that I love my husband and children more than I could have even imagined before this seperation. I do still WANT to keep the kids LOL. And I have learned to do the bills the RIGHT way, not much I can do about my BIG credit card bill except make payments and PRAY for fogiveness LOL from hubby.

And finally, Can I do this? Well I have done it. I mean its not over, I have SEVERAL days left to go, and even though its called the downhill slide, the backside of the deployment, its not truly any easier. All I can tell you is that you learn to ACCEPT your life, whatever it is, and you deal with it. God has helped me though many long, lonely nights, and even if it was to direct me to a site on the internet, or to this blog, I have gotten through them SO FAR. I will contiue to work HARD to get though the rest intact and come out the other side BETTER for this. Guess only time will tell if I truly CAN DO THIS.