Alone with my thoughts

...have you ever been in a busy room and felt completely alone? I have been in a whirlwind of activity all day, but have been so alone. I am bored on the week-ends they kill me when Shayne is gone, but its part of the job.

So today as I was grocery shopping, I realized I did something NEW, and I did it alone. Its not some huge deal, but I really NEED to stop and take stock every time I do something else I haven't done, because it can only serve to help me face any fears I have down the road.


Ok, so you wanna know what I did right? Well in all the years Shayne has been in the Navy, I have NEVER gone to a case sale at the commissary by myself (even the last time he was deployed I AVOIDED them LOL). Now its not like its some HUGE deal, I mean its cases of stuff...for example I got an entire case (12 cans) of SPAM (yes my kids LOVE it...go figure) for $9. Now as you know that is a GREAT deal since SPAM is almost $2 a can on average. So I did do it, and I did stay UNDER my budget for groceries, and got a TON of stuff to get by till next pay day....so yeah me.

I so WANT to do things that are BETTER for me, BETTER for US. But some days, the sheer terror associated with making changes that we all face is overwhelming. I miss him so much, and when I'm busy...its not that I miss him less, but I have less time to dwell on...where he is, what he's doing, how it feels like he is never coming home...even though I know he is LOL.

So tonight as I sit here with kids running around, and the TV on, and Mack waiting on the computer, and me just tired. I realized I am completely alone to deal with this all, and at the moment I am doing fine...not great, but fine. Tomorrow is a new day, and we'll see how it goes. But for now, I am going to be PROUD of me for doing something new.