Well the bad/sad days seem to come in twos for me recently. As we ALL already know I miss Shayne with every fiber of my being right now…and the past couple days I have been UNEASY about the whole thing…damn HAPPY PILLS what gives why am I NOT smiling all day every day….as my sister says “I should have read the fine print” LOL. Anyway today didn’t get any better, now here’s the thing NOTHING happened, no one said anything, and I am just BUMMED. I had to drop Mackenzie off at the Den leaders’ house so he could go camping this week-end. Now don’t get me wrong I am so NOT jealous that I am not going (way too cold to sleep outside with KD and Seth) but I feel bad he is going w/o Shayne.
Yeah I know its ok, life goes on and oh well, but today I just felt bad. He was so excited but still a bit apprehensive about the whole thing. He even told Shayne on the phone last night that he missed him and wished he was home to go camping with him. I know Shayne felt bad, and I know Mackenzie will be ok, but it just sucked. His den leader is married to a retired Marine and she runs a tight ship but now I’m thinking that I don’t know how SINGLE mothers do this. It is damn hard to be mom, dad, responsible one for EVERYTHING else, all the while worrying about my husband. Goodness it’s been a long time since I felt WHOLE, or in CONTROL. I mean don’t get me wrong, I am holding my own, but it sure seems like I am just going through the motions, and tonight I am wondering if I was a crappy parent on top of the already yucky feelings I have.
Oh well I guess I’ll wait and see on Sunday if I did the right thing or not. Hope it doesn’t get as cold as it’s supposed here in this darn state or I will be worrying about him freezing and the hubby cooking LOL. Hope this blog finds you all tucked in safe at home tonight, and with the ones you love.
1 comment:
My dear sweet friend, you are far too hard on yourself, Mackenzie will be just fine and will have a wonderful time, I promise.
You are such a good parent, you have no idea how much I admire you. Being a Mum can be tough at the best of times but being a Mum and a Dad in one whilst worrying about the Man in your life must be one of the toughest things to cope with in the world.
Having said that, you are coping and i'm so proud of you. Breathe sweetheart, just breathe that's all we can do. Breathe through the pain and keep the faith that with every breath Shayne is that little bit closer to you.
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