Leaving tomorrow but sad tonight

Well this wasn’t the blog it was supposed to be…LOL but due to my schedule and internet issues…darn it. I am just getting here. So I leave tomorrow AM for a week in Florida with my family. Now I am somewhere in the recesses of my mind very excited but at the moment, I am overwhelmed with guilt and sadness of not being able to spend the holiday with my husband. Shayne is going to be alone, and that breaks my heart. Then I realized if I walk out back of my parents’ house I would be maybe 700 miles from him…and I can’t get to him. What a sad moment to think about.

So this being the 1st real holiday we will have been apart in 15 years is just sheer hell on my emotionally, and right now I am trying, really trying to get it together for my kids and families sake. I mean they are all going out of their way to make sure we are there, with family. I know they mean well and I am grateful, and I can’t wait to see my sister, but I can’t get beyond the pain of not being with Shayne, yeah I know I need to get over it, but I just can’t. He is truly the love of my life, and the reason I breathe many days.

I was on the phone with my mother in law this evening, and I can tell you over the years we have had our differences but tonight, she was my hero, she listened and didn’t judge, or chastise me, and then told me “you are part of this family Stef” and that she “thanks God everyday for me, because she in her heart believes I am the best thing that ever happened to Shayne.” OMGosh what a compliment. I have worked very hard since Shayne deployed to keep her and my FIL in the loop, for a couple reasons. One they are his parents, and I know how I’d feel if my son was gone, and two I have 4 grandkids who she does love, and misses, and three because during this deployment I have needed her strength and friendship so much. She went on to tell me “if you need anything and I can do it for you all you have to do is tell me.” Not that there’s anything anyone can do for me right now, it was nice to hear. So tonight instead of the entire blog being about poor pitiful me this week and missing Shayne I want to salute my mother in law for her bravery and kind words, and broad shoulders, she’ll never ever know how much they have meant to me tonight. Thank you Dixie.

And for all my FAITHFUL readers, I will be w/o internet for a week..can you even imagine? But I did get a great journal to keep notes, so look out for a LONG one when I get home. Happy Thanksgiving my friends.