Can you hide?

So sometimes no matter how hard you try to work through something or avoid something, it jumps up and smacks you right square in the face. Today I worked like a dog, moving beds, and picking up and whatever really needed done here. And at the end of the day I realized I didn’t accomplish a whole lot. Then I started thinking that I miss my husband. I mean not all the big stuff, but the little things. Like for example tomorrow night my oldest has a football game, and Mack has a “STRINGS” meeting at the same time. I can’t be both places at once so I end up screwing one of the kids. I mean not that there’s really a choice I have to be at the football game because I drive 3 or 4 of the kids regularly so they are all in need of a ride….but in doing that I can’t get to the meeting. I don’t know how single mothers do this. I need a break, I need him here.

I don’t mind that he goes off to fight for what he believes in, actually I am immensely proud of him for doing it, but I need help. I think the military should issue us nanny’s to pick up the slack. I can get over the lack of sex and even adult communication, but OMG do I want a break…I want to pee by myself or just shave my legs without having to stay up till midnight to be able to do it. There are only about 6 months to go, I know somewhere I will find the strength to do this, but I’m tired of being the taxi, and the person who runs for milk to the gas station because I forgot to pick it up during the day, and now we’re almost out. I am tired of doing all the cooking and all the cleaning, and all the baths, and I‘m tired of being the one they are mad at all the time. I want someone else to do it….I want him here to help me do it, I want them to be mad at him once in awhile.

Ok so now that the rant is out of the way, I can tell you that a good cry was in order. So about 100 tears later and a big broken heart (nope he didn’t call tonight so I had to explain that to the kids too), I am ready to start over tomorrow. I can tell you that as soon as he comes home I am NOT going to the damn gas station for milk, nor am I driving to EITHER school again until NEXT fall…LOL. Well at least that’s the plan tonight. So I guess the lesson of this blog is you just can’t run and hide no matter how hard you try….sometimes you just have to cry, and realize tomorrow will have to be better. Night gang.