Depression

Well it’s a big, nasty word with tons of reasons. I can honestly say that the time apart is killing me. I am so used to Shayne being here, and it being us…even if I feel like I do all the work LOL. Right now I’d sell my soul to have him here. Yeah that’s a big statement, but I am so completely lost without him. So after 8 weeks, I figure out that I can’t continue crying and being as short fused as I have been ya know. So last week I headed into my doctor who I will tell you is great. It helps he knows my husband because he has no problem calming my fears too. So although I felt very weak have to ask for medication, I did it anyway.

So here I am 5 days into taking these meds, and today I can honestly say I think they might be working. I mean the sheer panic and fear isn’t gone but I have been up for hours now and no tears yet. That in itself would be worth it. I want to feel better, sooner than later I hope. I am following the rules on the meds as they say. At the moment I am still feeling a bit fuzzy and exhausted but I understand that feeling should go away eventually…we’ll see.

What I want to know is how is it possible that a normally strong woman crashes so damn fast. I mean I was so sure that I could do this, that I was never gonna be depressed, or angry. But OMGosh I am so mad, and not at anyone in particular, just damn angry. I want my husband home, I want him here to help me, to calm my fears, to take care of stuff here. I am tired of this being my job, and my job alone. Ok ranting over, I know its my job and will be ONLY my job till he comes home.

Tonight what I want is him safe, and missing me as much as I miss him. I want us to come out of this closer than we were, and a lot more appreciative of each other and the kids. If that happens, then the misery and pain will so be worth it. So as I close tonight, I am wishing on that star outside my window and saying a prayer for my husband, and all those deployed men and women, as well as those of us left alone at home without them.