Countdown…

…to whatever. I mean we are always counting down to something. For example, the majority of us are counting down the days till Christmas. I am counting down the days till I see Shayne, as well as the days till Christmas, and the days till he comes home permanently. My, oh, my am I a busy little abacus LOL.

Today as I ran my self ragged trying to get all the Christmas decorations up and ready for the EVENTUAL visit of Santa to my house, I found myself with little time to COUNT. So does that me I am NOT counting anymore? Nope, I am still counting, and trying to make time go FASTER. What a hoot, I mean its still 24 hours whether I wish it away or pray that it skips a few DAYS or not. So do your numbers and days run together, get intermixed and confusing? Well mine do but I have them saved on my desktop LOL so that helps.

But when all is said and done, where does the counting leave me? Counting for NO reason? Nope, in the overall scheme of things I think counting is GOOD. I mean we all have dreams, aspirations, and goals right, and in some way shape or form we are COUNTING what we have to do to accomplish those goals. So right now my goal is to see my husband, and to sleep in the same bed with him. Ya know in all the things I truly and deeply miss, it’s him hogging the covers and stealing my pillows. Yeah the sex, or lack there of LOL right now is missed too LOTS, but I so miss just seeing him, and knowing he is real, and loves me.

I find that the closer it gets to the COUNTDOWN ending I am anxious and fearful. What if I did stuff wrong, what if he’s angry I spent a couple thousand dollars (I’m sure frivolously LOL), and maybe, just maybe he won’t want to be overwhelmed with ALL of us when he gets home……hhhhhhmmmmmm that would be sad. I know that at the moment that’s not how he feels but it is food for thought in the dark nights w/o him here.

So count away gang, and get to WHATEVER goal you are aiming for, and know that as you feel like you are slowly losing your minds with the NUMBERS, that someone, somewhere is counting down too, maybe even losing their minds.

By Candlelight

everything makes sense ya know? Wonder if thats because I am so used to feeling alone in the dark right now....and the candle lights the way. Or is it because no matter how ugly the situation is at that moment, the aura of the candlelight is so soothing, comforting, and calming. One may never know for sure I guess.

But for me the night before lighting my tons of candles helped guide me in my decisions. I knew I needed to voice my opinion on the 23 year old, and hope that my husband would understand and respect my opinion. I was revoking my "you can talk to her" approval.

As it turns out, he did and he actually did respect it and KNEW he had to stop talking to her anyway, as she isn't exactly a "GOOD" person. So now two days after voicing my opinion, I feel so good. I mean who know that if you were HONEST and CALM about it that it would work out.

My husband rocks, and I am so proud of him and what he's doing. I have 38 days till I see his handsome face and spend a GROWN-UP night with him alone with out my kids (I love them tons, but will be glad for a 12 hour reprieve). So gang I think that talking and communication is the way to go, you can only bury your feelings so much before the OVERWHEALM you. I'm glad I talked to him and I'm estatic he understood and loves me enough to be flexible. Today is a good day.

Vacation and home again

Well I can tell you that my week ended up being so much better (great English I know LOL) than I even expected. I spent time with my family, I smiled, I cried, and I talked. My husband called me and I heard him cry on the phone because he missed me so much. Now you’d think that would be so very disheartening, but on one hand it was amazing to hear him so much in love with in me, that it hurt. I cooked with my sister, I shopped with my sister and my mother, I laughed with my brother, and his wife, my skinny Indian sister-in-law finally is ATTEMPTING to stand up to my sister and I.....which as mouthy as we are is not an easy task…but good for her. The drive home yesterday was tough. Not the 11 hours, but it was COMING BACK to REALITY. I mean not that one moment passed w/o thinking of Shayne but coming home meant it was REAL and I had to DEAL again. But I will.

This week he got his hair cut by 23 yr old. Now they are friends and she’s got a boyfriend but last night I had to explain that the issue isn’t cheating with me, that it honestly has NOTHING to do with him. NO it had to do with the fact that I can NEVER be 23, skinny, beautiful again, so it’s all about me…favorite new phrase LOL. I see him in 40 days, and I can’t wait. My dear blog friends, I know her name, and I’ve seen her and she knows he off limits…hell she’s dating a lawyer, do you think she’d risk that salary for a nurse with baggage (4 kids and spousal support if he goes LOL) nope she is safe, but the age thing rocks my damn world…makes me nuts. So I ask for a few week reprieve…to hang out with the other nurses and not her and her bed buddy for awhile. So we’ll see if that helps.

Today I have a new lease on life; I am ready to face the next stage of this deployment. I mean in 2 weeks we will be ½ way done…can you imagine? I can’t believe it’s soon gonna OFFICIALLY be the downhill slide. Anyway I am back to blogging.....so look for tons of new stories as I get the car unpacked, and the house decorated for the holidays. Missed you all.

Leaving tomorrow but sad tonight

Well this wasn’t the blog it was supposed to be…LOL but due to my schedule and internet issues…darn it. I am just getting here. So I leave tomorrow AM for a week in Florida with my family. Now I am somewhere in the recesses of my mind very excited but at the moment, I am overwhelmed with guilt and sadness of not being able to spend the holiday with my husband. Shayne is going to be alone, and that breaks my heart. Then I realized if I walk out back of my parents’ house I would be maybe 700 miles from him…and I can’t get to him. What a sad moment to think about.

So this being the 1st real holiday we will have been apart in 15 years is just sheer hell on my emotionally, and right now I am trying, really trying to get it together for my kids and families sake. I mean they are all going out of their way to make sure we are there, with family. I know they mean well and I am grateful, and I can’t wait to see my sister, but I can’t get beyond the pain of not being with Shayne, yeah I know I need to get over it, but I just can’t. He is truly the love of my life, and the reason I breathe many days.

I was on the phone with my mother in law this evening, and I can tell you over the years we have had our differences but tonight, she was my hero, she listened and didn’t judge, or chastise me, and then told me “you are part of this family Stef” and that she “thanks God everyday for me, because she in her heart believes I am the best thing that ever happened to Shayne.” OMGosh what a compliment. I have worked very hard since Shayne deployed to keep her and my FIL in the loop, for a couple reasons. One they are his parents, and I know how I’d feel if my son was gone, and two I have 4 grandkids who she does love, and misses, and three because during this deployment I have needed her strength and friendship so much. She went on to tell me “if you need anything and I can do it for you all you have to do is tell me.” Not that there’s anything anyone can do for me right now, it was nice to hear. So tonight instead of the entire blog being about poor pitiful me this week and missing Shayne I want to salute my mother in law for her bravery and kind words, and broad shoulders, she’ll never ever know how much they have meant to me tonight. Thank you Dixie.

And for all my FAITHFUL readers, I will be w/o internet for a week..can you even imagine? But I did get a great journal to keep notes, so look out for a LONG one when I get home. Happy Thanksgiving my friends.

Day 2 of General YUCKY mood

Well the bad/sad days seem to come in twos for me recently. As we ALL already know I miss Shayne with every fiber of my being right now…and the past couple days I have been UNEASY about the whole thing…damn HAPPY PILLS what gives why am I NOT smiling all day every day….as my sister says “I should have read the fine print” LOL. Anyway today didn’t get any better, now here’s the thing NOTHING happened, no one said anything, and I am just BUMMED. I had to drop Mackenzie off at the Den leaders’ house so he could go camping this week-end. Now don’t get me wrong I am so NOT jealous that I am not going (way too cold to sleep outside with KD and Seth) but I feel bad he is going w/o Shayne.

Yeah I know its ok, life goes on and oh well, but today I just felt bad. He was so excited but still a bit apprehensive about the whole thing. He even told Shayne on the phone last night that he missed him and wished he was home to go camping with him. I know Shayne felt bad, and I know Mackenzie will be ok, but it just sucked. His den leader is married to a retired Marine and she runs a tight ship but now I’m thinking that I don’t know how SINGLE mothers do this. It is damn hard to be mom, dad, responsible one for EVERYTHING else, all the while worrying about my husband. Goodness it’s been a long time since I felt WHOLE, or in CONTROL. I mean don’t get me wrong, I am holding my own, but it sure seems like I am just going through the motions, and tonight I am wondering if I was a crappy parent on top of the already yucky feelings I have.

Oh well I guess I’ll wait and see on Sunday if I did the right thing or not. Hope it doesn’t get as cold as it’s supposed here in this darn state or I will be worrying about him freezing and the hubby cooking LOL. Hope this blog finds you all tucked in safe at home tonight, and with the ones you love.

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Well that’s an old adage I’m not sure I believe. I mean doesn’t that contradict the one that says “out of site out of mind.” So which one is right? I mean today in the distant recesses of my mind I couldn’t shake the “I’m alone and I miss him horribly, and life will never be the same” feeling…yeah it’s a mouthful but boy was I feeling STRESSED.

So I decided that we needed a NORMAL family outing….OMG 4 kids after school and no nap for the little ones and the LOOP (thanks for the details sis)….then dinner at the Chinese Hog trough (my kids love a good buffet) and then hair cuts, eyebrow waxing, DQ for Blizzards’ (where they put it all, I will NEVER know LOL) and then home for the HOMEWORK marathon. Yep that’s about it….NORMAL with a family of 4 kids…oh yeah forgot to tell you about the mashed in fortune cookies in my 5 month old MINI-VAN…LOL.

Anyway here I sit, trying hard NOT to think or feel bad, but it’s not working. I so can’t call another person whining tonight they will certainly think I lost my flippen mind or that my HAPPY PILLS aren’t working but they are…LOL can you imagine me if they weren’t LOL. So I want to know how this deployment is gonna make me STRONGER, more SECURE in my marriage, more WHATEVER. I mean hell I was secure in my marriage BEFORE this, now I am scared and lonely. Stronger, whatever, I have 4 kids, a husband, a dog and a cat, and possibly a bird soon…yeah stronger that’s what I need to be NOT…LOL. So what is it this is doing for me except filling my mind with doubts and fears? NOTHING…that’s what its doing…all I can do is sit and WATCH the CLOCK (thanks hubby). Oh well such is life, I do however get to see him in exactly 51 days. If anyone knows which one of these old adages are true can ya drop me a line LOL I would like some PROOF that one of them work…hell at this point I don’t even care which one LOL. Happy Thursday everyone.

Countdown to the Holidays

So they are FAST approaching, and this will be the first year I haven’t been with Shayne. Now in the previous blog, I already told you I would be with my family, which is good. But I can’t help but worry, and wonder about my husband. I mean he is alone w/o any of us. I know its just Thanksgiving, but I find it hard to even get ready to be THANKFUL for anything. I miss him….I am even gonna miss cooking dinner for the herd I call a family.

I think he is working on the holiday which isn’t a huge deal; at least he works nights and will sleep the bulk of the day so maybe the MISSING won’t be too bad. I don’t know. I have sent him 11 boxes in the past few weeks to keep him LOOKING in the mail LOL. I don’t know what else to do to help him. Hell I don’t even really know how to help myself. I know I will laugh, and cry next week, and I know my heart will be broken. But the one thing I can think about is that with the passing of Thanksgiving, I will be one HOLIDAY closer to seeing him. I am hoping the month of December flies by…not for all of you, for that I’m sorry, but like my sisters favorite saying goes “it is all about me” and right now that’s how I feel. OMG that was so selfish. Oh well lets see everyone should be selfish once in awhile in their life, and for me that’s this deployment.

I am adding my blogs to my book that I am working on…yep a book. It has truly always been a dream of mine to write, but I’ve been LAZY and unable to find the RIGHT topic for myself…and a few weeks ago I came up with my book, and have been working every free hour I have. So maybe for Thanksgiving I will be thankful for my family, my husband’s safety, and his heroism, my children, and finally striving to reach a goal of mine. Not a bad list, guess I’ll add that I’d be really THANKFUL for the return of all our men and women and PEACE, but for now I’ll just keep hoping and praying for that and keep all of them in my prayers.

Getting ready for Vacation

So the kids and I are heading 11 hours south to my parents house for Thanksgiving. My dad is flying up on Tuesday and driving us down (they are trying to help but I am capable of doing it LOL). So this week I have to pack for Mack to go on his scout camping trip for 3 days, and Saturday I have to get the cat to the vet, the van to the garage for oil change and stuff, drive 30 minutes out of town to see Mack at his scout thingy LOL, and pack for a trip that I know will be worth it but I dread it too. I know that sounds really bad, its not that I don’t want to go, its that I don’t want to go w/o Shayne. My mom and I have struggled over the years to be friends….it’s a really long story, but we are finally on the road to recovery, but she will never get over the hurt and things that happened between us years ago. Anyway my husband is a GREAT buffer between us…I mean he kicks me under the table and reels me in and changes the subject a lot so it will be odd to not have him there. Maybe it’s a test from God this whole deployment and dinner with 30 people at my parents house LOL.

So anyway that leads me into a topic of separation anxiety….LOL. Now we all went through this and believed we were OVER it, but I am here to tell you that I’m not….I officially have SEPERATION ANXIETY LOL. I want him here, and the fact that he is out of my line of site or contact (at my convenience) is too much many days for me. I have a new outlook on the whole just drop the kids off, they will quit crying thing….because I really haven’t. I mean I am better and on the road to NORMAL…or what I affectionately term NORMAL for a deployment family (with 4 kids LOL…and a soon to be 14 year old with an attitude to match…although that’s a topic for another day LOL). I am holding my own, today and just got 3 more months of HAPPY PILLS so I should be NORMAL for a few more months LOL. Only 53 more days till he gets his HANDSOME, SKINNY BUTT off that military hop to come and hold me. Counting days right now but a few more weeks…it will be HOURS. Hope this blog finds you all happy, and healthy, and getting ready for THANKSGIVING in one more week.

60 days in....

OMGosh we made it 2 months….60 days (well 64 officially today…bit late in posting LOL) anyway, its been a LONG HAUL. We are 1/3 of the way done. Doesn’t seem like a huge amount of time gone, but it sure feels like it.

Ok, well checkbook is still balanced…no huge issues there. House is straightened up at the moment…4 kids, its moment to moment not daily LOL. And here we are at our SECOND party. Now next month could be a huge party issue since I have a birthday before our 3 month celebration and a birthday after it LOL. Goodness that’s a LOT of cake. But we’ll figure it out. Then I just looked at the dates, and Shayne will be with us on the 6th-9th of January here in the states…yep we will actually be saying good-bye again on the 9th. Do you think the Navy plans it that way…LOL at least it won’t change the PARTY date for the kids and I now will it.


We as a family and as individuals have overcome so much the past few months, that hindsight being what it is I am amazed. I didn’t realize we were all as strong, yet weak, and vulnerable at the same time. I know I appreciate my life so much more than I did 64 days ago. I love my husband and my kids more than I ever knew I did.

So I guess at the moment, everything is running smoothly, and we are getting by, and for any deployed family (especially on the first deployment) that’s all you can expect or ask for. I have been working on my book, wait until my husband reads it. I am pretty proud of myself. I have always wanted to write but never could NAIL down that topic close enough to my heart to spend the time doing it. Finally I did…it’s the Diary of a Navy Wife. Think it might make for some scary reading LOL. We’ll have to wait and see. Hope this blog finds you all well, and happy.

Label: 30 days in...

What a difference 24 hours makes

I did some massive RETAIL THERAPY yesterday, helped my 11 yr old work on his craftsmen badge requirements by redoing a $16 table from a used furniture store, and talked to my husband and sent the letter. I felt tons better after we talked and he sent me on a SHOPPING mission to start another box for him. Now the man has 11 currently in the mail for him (I rock I know)…he’s not getting them all at once but they’ve been mailed over the past 3 weeks.

Anyway, we talked and we listened, and I smiled tons when we hung up. I mean I have a new lease on life, and I made a big decision. Shayne is flying back into the states on the 6th of January, I am getting a sitter for the kids and going to spend the night with him ALONE. I just want to talk, and see him. I so miss him. Then on the 7th and 8th we'll all be together as a family, than unfortunately on the 9th he goes back. I booked the room, Jacksonville Clarion and I am so excited. It will be sad to see him go back, but its ok, it should only be about 2 or 3 months after that and he should be home for good then.

The thing I found most amazing with our marriage is that we have BAD days together. Maybe it means because we’ve been together so long that we are ONE….cheesy sounding I know but I miss him so much it hurts…but today it doesn’t hurt as bad, maybe its just because in life you can only have so many BAD days before you have to have some GOOD days. Guess that’s a blog for another day. Thanks for reading, and if you’re having a bad day know the sun will come out tomorrow.

Letter to a deployed husband

Its 3:30 in the morning. I have been up for 3 hours now THINKING. Lack of sleep, worry, and OVER THINKING are never a good combination for me. And you'll probably just blow this email off, but I need to say a few things that are very important to me....so read this please.

First, even though its hard I do trust you, I mean you are the most honorable man I have ever met, and you've never given me a reason to NOT trust you, but I am struggling. I would NEVER ask you to NOT be friends with someone. I guess part of the issue for me is that you go places with her, and you talk to her, and aren't here to go with me and can't talk to me. Its not a matter of trust honest. Its beyond that for me it's the intimacy (not sex), and companionship I miss.

My only fear in life is ever losing you. I am trying so hard to find a way to make things easier for you, that I forget I can't. I am so used to it being US, that to hear what you said last night was hard. I felt alone, and I can't talk to people about you hanging out with her, because the world immediately thinks you are cheating. I know you're a nurse and you hang with women all the time, and I'm ok with that MOST of the time. I know you think I have people to call but I don't. I truly am as alone as you are, you spend your time at work, and with idiots who don't know your name. I spend mine with 4 kids and the internet.

I guess what I am looking for are several things...I need to KNOW you love me (I don't know how to tell you to do that either). I need to know that you are getting off that plane in 4 months and gonna look at me and realize that you love me more than you thought, and that you love your life. I hear you say you miss home, but what I don't here is you miss me. I'm sure you say it, but I just don't hear it. I need to occasionally know you are truly as sad and miserable as I am. I try not to be, but its hard.

I also need to know what to do to help you...I feel helpless here and that's not a feeling I am used too. I know you promised me last night a big promise and it helped. I just miss US, I miss your smile, and our kids looking forward to seeing you. I miss your help, and your strength, and I even miss the damn Marine hymn bottle opener.

Honey you are my hero in more ways than you know. When I say I can't breath w/o you, I truly mean I can't. I don't know how to help you, or to help me right now, but we're missing something here, I mean we are both stronger than this, and we are strong together. Maybe the distance and time is really too much. I know you blew off my fear of you getting off the plane and NOT wanting me/us/our life...but honey it's a real fear for me, and I need you to find a way to tell me it shouldn't be. I know you need one more stress in your life like you need a hole in your head, but I NEED your strength this morning, so please honey find a way to tell me or write something to help me get over this...through it, whatever.

Then tell me what you want shipped. I love shopping and I find it very easy to do from home now LOL. Amazon.com LOVES me. Smile we are almost to Thanksgiving and hopefully Christmas will come fast, and they'll let you leave earlier. Say a few prayers, I know that's not your forte in life but do it anyway, maybe all 6 of us saying the same prayer, it will get heard. I'm sorry if this was too many words but I needed to say it w/o you hearing me cry.

I love you,
Me

So I know at sometime this is a letter we all write to our deployed husbands but I can tell you that RATIONALLY I know that all of this is NO BIG DEAL but how as women do we deal with the EMOTIONAL side of the fear, and uncertinaty? I mean I spent 14 years of my life with my husband building a STRONG foundation for our marriage on trust and honesty (well with the occassional lie regarding $$$ I spent LOL) to now be confused and scared? I really just want to feel NORMAL again. I want our life back, and I know eventually we will have it maybe with some MORE respect for each other. BUT until then I just know I am gonna be tossing and turning with worry, and fear till I see his face. There has got to be an easier way to deal with the distance. I haven't emailed it yet...not quite sure if I should I mean we talk to little on the phone I don't want him upset or a fight because of my insecurites when in reality he can't FIX them for me...only I can. Guess I'll see what this evening brings and maybe I'll get brave.

Veteran’s Day

Yesterday I went to Mackenzie’s school for a program for our veterans. It was so amazing. Made me miss my husband even more to see other kids parents in uniform for a special presentation. At a certain point after several patriotic songs the veterans (active, reserve, and retired) walked to the front to receive card from several of the children. I watched in awe of all of them…when my son tapped my arm and said come on mom we have to walk up too. I of course said NO WAY….LOL and he said yeah we have to go up for Dad, I already worked it out with my music teacher. Tears welled up in my eyes with the thought that my son went out of his way to REMEMBER his dad on Veterans day.

The reason it was so amazing for me was that I know in the definition of the word veteran, my husband is one. But for me a veteran is my grandpa, or his dad…ya know they’re old, they are veterans. But yesterday was put into perspective for me when I realized my 11 yr old KNEW more than I did at that moment.

So with a heart full of pride for my son and my husband, I walked up and collected several cards. I will be mailing them to Shayne on Monday. But I do know he is my HERO, and I so wished I could hear his voice tonight to tell him Happy Veteran’s Day and that his sacrifices are so appreciated and respected by so many in this country. Please if you know a Vet or their family tell them Thank you today. This is an extremely huge sacrifice these military men and women (and their families) make every day….for our safety and our freedoms. Happy Veterans Day Honey…you are a BRAVE MAN, and you make me PROUD.

Lost in the Atmosphere

Ya know we’ve all been to the beach at some point. You know that clear, dark sky on the strip with all the lights lit up and the breeze that you feel? Well last night as I walked out of Wal-Mart, I had all of those. The beautiful breeze, the clear cool sky, and every neon sign lit up. I actually stopped to take it all in and take a really deep breath. I realized that I’m ok. I mean its been a bad, bad week here…sick kid, bills to pay, visit to ER, and missing hubby.

When I got on the “HAPPY PILLS” I wanted…no NEEDED to believe that they were gonna make me HAPPY and smiling every single day. But what they really do is make you NORMAL. I mean I still have bad days, and tears but at least they aren’t everyday now. I know their doing their job. Shayne called and was amazing as he usually is….LOL he makes me laugh, and right now all I want is to see his face, to touch him. Its not sex I miss (I mean I do miss the sex) it’s the companionship. Its our friendship. Its our FAMILY. I mean its hard to understand (until you live something like this) how you can be surrounded by people and still be lonely when the person you love MOST on the face of the planet isn’t there. He is truly my soul mate. He is the reason I breathe.

I felt bad last night as I stood there, looking odd, in Wal-Mart’s parking lot. I felt bad that there were moments like this that we as a couple were missing. But then I realized that we weren’t missing them really…I mean he had that same sky, near the ocean that I did (minus the neon signs LOL). And maybe the reason I took two seconds to notice it last night is because he was noticing it too…I mean he was waiting on the bus to get to work so maybe he was looking up at the same time. Maybe that’s why I felt the connection. Think so? Well even if its not, it’s a nice feeling to think he was thinking of me at the same time I was thinking of him.

My Handsome Husband

So here he is all decked out in his desert cammies. He is such a stud...but oh boy is he skinnier than before he left. Guess the heat is getting to him. I was just talking to my friend last night about how he's gonna be so shocked when he sees the kids...they have grown so much since he left. I was nervous about how different he might look, when I got a picture last night. He is more HANDSOME than I remember.

Ya know we are at the 2 month mark tomorrow that we've all been apart, and I have been pretty anxious about how we have all changed. But when I saw his face I realized that I love him more now than I did 8 weeks ago. Don't you find that odd, that you can love someone you aren't seeing all the time, and that it doesn't go away when you TRULY love someone. I couldn't be more PROUD of him that I am. He is my HERO, and the LOVE of my LIFE...oh and he's MINE. Thanks for letting me brag everyone. Hope you all have a great day.

Today’s Decision

Well I have been a bit lax in my schedule, my responsibilities and what not since I spiraled out of control into my depression. But today, I can honestly say as soon as my kid stops puking I wanna get back in the swing of things. I miss my husband so much, but right now its NUMB. I have actually not cried for a week. I mean don’t get me wrong, I still well up, but now a deep breath will fight back those tears. I’m sure that the holidays are gonna be really hard, but right now all I wanna do is get back in the swing of things.

My diet and exercise is a mission, and my house is a sty at the moment. So today, I head back to the drawing board on the diet, and back to Curves again today. As far as the house, maybe tomorrow I’ll get it dusted and vacuumed, then I can tackle the laundry. But we’ll see. In all honesty I’m just happy I KNOW changes are in order. I mean the meds must be working. I can function again.

Hope this blog finds you all safe, and sound, and not missing your hubbys too bad. But if you are, know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Life goes On

Ya know when I left Ohio, and my best friends, Carrie and Twila, I never thought I’d be the same. I truly believed that life would suck forever and I’d never make new friends, or be happy with any other friends. Well then Shayne got deployed and I thought I’d curl up and die. Well let me tell ya, I am LIVING proof that LIFE GOES ON. No matter how much you BELIEVE it won’t…it does.

I woke up this week-end and realized a couple things…..one that my meds rock they actually work. Two that I have great friends who are willing to spend an entire week-end making me laugh and forget real life. Jen and Amber you two ROCK. And finally three I love my husband and trust every thing about him. I mean he is the most honorable man on the face of the planet. I know that the distance during deployments makes those of us left at home alone CRAZY. But today I am fine.

I actually shopped and ate out with out my kids this week-end. I was NORMAL for a few hours. I talked to other adults who understood and cared how I felt. I got to bounce ideas and feelings off of them with out them being judgmental. So today I can tell you that no matter how sad life seems…it does GO ON. The sun will still come up tomorrow and I’ll be back into the SCHEDULE with school again. But tonight I am COMFORTABLY content. Not happy as I can’t truly be happy with out my hero here with me, but I am content and safe. So I’m ok. Hope this blog finds all of you in as comfortable place. I do miss him.

I thought I was in TROUBLE

So I am surviving, yesterday we had an internet issue so no blog for me. But today everything is up and running SUPERFAST. Lets see what’s new for us. Oh, yeah we got a kitten. Not a big deal in most cases but OMG does my husband HATE cats. But he’s 2k miles away so when my dear friend Amber dropped her off to us we kept her. Her name is Toby (wonder who she’s named after…being the Toby Keith fan that I am…yeah I know she’s a girl but I have 4 kids they thought they were being nice LOL). Anyway she is gingerbread and white striped long hair kitten. She is so beautiful. She is little and we’re not used to little ANYTHING in this house LOL but we’re getting used to her.

Now back to daddy. Well we told him last night on the phone when he called and he wasn’t as angry as I planned for. No I think he heard how good she was for the kids. Its so what my son Mackenzie whose been pretty depressed needed. So when I got on the phone with Shayne I asked him if he was gonna yell, and he said what the hell am I gonna do about it hell I’m 2k miles away. Isn’t that funny we do think alike now don’t we LOL.


So all in all everything is fine, and we survived the past few days with a meowing kitten. I do think though before this even starts that its MY job. Goodness where in the MOM handbook does it say that EVERYTHING is my job LOL. Must have been that fine print I didn’t read LOL.